Chapter 15
Alle piece of him that I can love forever.
h
Imagine the future with just the two of us, and a weird sense of calm fall over me.
I can do this, me and loads, we will voork, it mit together.
We can build a new life for the two NË VIS.
Gabriel gave me the ultimate gi
His child
Violet
MIDNIGHT.
Where darkness lives and anxiety thrives.
It’s been four days since I found out I was pregnant. Four days of swinging between elated and shocked to horrified and sad.
I haven’t told a single sol
I don’t know what to do and I’m scared
The enormity of carrying Gabriel Terrara’s baby has just hit me.
He doesn’t want me or a child, and having a baby on my own is not something I ever envisaged for myself.
To be honest, I don’t know if I can do st.
This house is big and quiet and now lonely.
I imagine myself coming home from the hospital with my little bundle of joy..all alone, how will that feel?
I see my future of sitting up in the middle of the night and feeding a tiny little baby, nobody to help me, nobody to love me..or him. This poor little baby deserves to have a dad who loves it, this isn’t his fault or hers.
And what do I tell the baby as it grows up?
Daddy wants nothing to do with you. He wants an Italian baby and you just don’t cut it.
The hot tears run down my face and drip into my ears.
I’ve never felt so alone, so confused.
My heartache was bad enough when I thought I just lost him, but now this everything seems magnified and I’m no longer grieving my loss of him, that seems irrelevant if honest. I’m grieving for my baby and the happy family that I can’t deliver him.
I picture the moment when I tell my parents and my brothers that I’m pregnant with my former boss’s baby and that he doesn’t want anything to do with me
My mom wil ery, my dad will be outraged with Gabriel. Everyone will feel sorry for me
Pour Viddet, her boss got drunk at the Christmas party and had her on his desk for kicks, got her knocked up and now wants nothing to do with her. I hate that it’s true.
And then there’s the Terrarns, Gabriel’s mother is going to go ballistic
Chapter 15
His father, his brothers and sister oh god.
I feel sick to my stomach
The tears flow onto my pillow like a river, my mind is jumping from one nightmare thought to the next and I know exactly how this looks.
A grab for cash from one of America’s wealthiest men, the imate trap.
I imagine the tabloids and the media rever KEP.
Gabriel Ferrara’s former PA falls pregnant after having sex on his desk at the Christmas party
screw up my face in tears oh my god, this is a disaster of epic proportions.
Gabriel’s going to hate me, and who could blame him.
All the plans he had for an Italian family his hopes and dreams altered forever too.
I close my eyes at the horror, how the hell did 1 let this happen?
Why didn’t my pill work? What’s the damn point of taking it if the fucker doesnt work?
Everything is changed now, and I can’t take it back no matter how much I want to.
This isn’t how I imagined my life would go, I’m supposed to be happy and fulfilled, feeling safe and secure, building a family and a home with a man
that I love.
My husband.
1 roll onto my side and curl up in a ball as I try to protect myself from my own thoughts.
Thave to talk to someone; I have to get out of my own head, I can’t keep going round and round like this.
Tomorrow tall to Deb, she’ll know what to do.
10 am. I sit in the cafe, the morning sun is beaming onto the bench seat through the window as I wait. There’s a window planter box with pansies in every color, and the village feels alive.
The two coDees,” the waitress says as she puts them down on the table.
“Thank you.” I smile
Things look better today. Along with the sunlight, I feel stronger. But that’s how I seem to roll at the moment, brave by day, terrified all night.
My favorite thing about Greemille is my best friend, Deh. She also happens to be my cousin and the reason I found this place. It was her wedding that
I came here for five years ago, and from the moment I stepped out of the car, I instantly fell in love with the place.
Deb married a local boy she met at college, his name is Scott and this is his hometown, they moved back here permanently after their wedding.
Deb bounces through the door and her broad smile lights up the entire cafe “Hey you.” She trips on a chair leg as she sees me and stumbles. “Sorry.” she apologizes to the person who was nearly thrown out of their chair,
Igiggle at her dramatic entrance. TL Deb is how can Texplain her?
Chicken soup for my soul for everyone’s soul. Blond and pretty with a can–do attitude to everything.
She kisses my cheek and set down. “Tell me you have good news”
What?
“Well.” Her eyes dance with excitement. “You said you had something to tell me. He called, didn’t he?
I stare at her as my brain fres
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“I knew he would.” She smiles. “Tknew he would come hack begging on his knees.”
Lexhale heavily, one thing about Deb is she’s the ultimate optimist. “He didn’t call.”
“He didn’t call?” She scrunches up her now. What’s wrong with this dickhead, why didn’t he call?” She sips her coffee. “You know you keep saying this Gabriel Ferrara is super intelligent, I’m finding it very hard to believe”
Lexhale heanly.
“Well” She sips ber coffee again. “What do you have to tell me? I’m pregnant.” I blurt our
She puts her coffee cup down onto the table with a thud and coffee sloshies over the side. “What do you mean?
“What else could I meant I’m pregnant.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive, I’ve done six tests.”
Her eyes widen. “It’s his?”
“Well I haven’t had sex with anyone else, have 17”
“Tuck” She puts her hands up to her temples as her eyes hold mine.
When did you find this out? Monday.”
“It’s Saturday.” She frowns
“Yes so
“So you haven’t told me for five fucking days?”
“I was trying to get my head around it.” | |
Turk, she whispers as her head begins to catch up. “Oh fuck Violet.” “You said that already,” I snap.
“What did he say?” ||
“Gabriel?”
“He doesn’t know.”
“He doesn’t know.” She gasps loudly,
“Sshh” I look around at the people in the tiny cafe. “And neither does anyone else. Keep your voice down.”
“Oh my god,” she whispers. “He doesn’t know.” She puts her head into her hands. “He didn’t wear a condom?” “No.”
She holds up her hands in question
I’m on the ”
“You forgot to take it, didn’t you?” “No. I did not forget to take it,” I snap.
“Well how?”
I don’t fucking know, okay,” I cut her off. “All I know is it happened and now I’m pregnant and I have no idea what to do, and if your reaction is anything to go by, I am totally fucking screwed”
“Sorry.” She winces as she sits back in her chair. “Tm just shocked.” She puffs air into her cheeks. “It’s a shock.”
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We sit for a moment and both sip our coffee. “What are you going to do?” she asks
I don’t know
Are you
“Tim having the baby,” I finish her sentence.
Her eyes hold mine
Deb, Im twenty nine, I’m very single, and who knows, this might be my last chance and..” I shrug, lost for words, “I’m having it.”
“Okay.” She nods. “Well. Congrats. I guess She gives me a lopsided smile.
Thanks. I guess.”
“When are you going to tell him?” she asks,
Ieshale heavily. “I don’t know.” I think for a moment. “I don’t know if it’s the hormones or what’s going on, but I feel so vulnerable and fragile. I’m not sure I could even see him at the moment without having a full mental breakdown, and that’s without the baby.”
Deb gives me a sad smile and takes my hand in hers. Have you been to the doctor’s, like is it confirmed confirmed?”
“Well, I’ve done six pregnancy tests and they were all positive, and it’s been seven weeks since we had sex”
“So if I were a betting man, I would bet that you’re seven weeks pregnant? Deb thinks out loud
“Last time I looked you’re not a better or a man.”
“Thope your baby has your wit” she mutters dryly. “Or not.”
Texbale heavily as I think about the next steps I have to go through. Tll go to the doctor on Monday.”
“Til come with you.” She squeezes my hand in hers. “A baby,” she whispers as she hunches her shoulders up. “This is a little bit exciting.”
For the first time, a glimmer of hope runs through me, and I smile. “Maybe.”
“It’s positive.” Dr. Moran smiles “Congratulations, Violet, you are eight weeks pregnant.”
My stomach flutters as if this is the first time I have heard it
Thank y
you?
Til write you a referral for an obstetrician.” He begins to type into his computer. “Ring in the next few days and make an appointment for when you are twelve weeks along. I’ve also written a pathology request for some blood tests, get those done before your appointment.”
“Okay.”
Heg gets out a Ettle wheel thing and spins it. “I have your due date estimate as the twenty seventh of September.”
“O” I smile goofy. “Okay.”
Deb bounces in her chair beside me, unable to hide her excitement.
Is this really happening
“Any questions?” the doctor asks “No.” I stand. “Thank you.”
“Congratulations again.” He smiles.
“Thanks” I walk back to the car in a daze, Deb is chatting on and on but I hardly hear a word she’s saying.
I’m having a baby.
His baby.
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I put my hand over my stomach, a little piece of Gabriel is growing indide of no right
“Are you going to open the door?” “Huh?” Izlaner up.
Deb widem her eyes. “lock the cat.”
“Oh Right unlock the car and stare down at it
“To you want me to drive?” she asks
“Maybe. I’m so distracted“:
“No ship”
The drive home is made in silence, well, not really, because Deb is chatting away and having a conversation, but I don’t hear a word
I’m lost
My mind is swinging between fear to the dream that he really loved me and maybe this baby was meant to be.
I get a vision of him being excited and lifting me up in the air and swinging me around as we laugh
“Tarth to Violet She waves her hand in front of my face. “Are you even listening?”
“Oh, sorry.” I glance over at her, almost embarrassed by my fantasy.
“What?”
“You need to go to New York and tell him”
know. I just need to get my head around it first”
No. You need to get your head around it together.”
My stomach sinks because I know he’s going to be devastated and Tim not sure I can handle one more rejection from him and survive it.
Do you want me to come? Deb asks “Where?”
“To New York,” she says. “Then if things turn to shit we can at least have a few days in New York shopping and drinking cocktails.“I look at her deadpan
